Have you ever been sucker punched feeling like the wind has been knocked out of you?
I have as well as every other woman I have ever known. It’s a part of life.
Unexpected circumstances, losing a loved one, job or financial issues, a health crisis, a crumbling relationship that once held promise – situations that leave us in an emotional fetal position barely able to breath.
After years of setbacks (mostly self created ones) I found myself pleading to a God I had abandoned not realizing my comeback was about to begin.
Every woman will experience setbacks.
Some choose to live in the setbacks.
Some choose to make a comeback.
When reaching a breaking point finally deciding that enough is enough, the comeback woman finds an inner strength she never knew existed and creates a life she once only dreamed of.
The setback woman wants to come back yet has become a slave to her fears and her emotions unable to break free from the stress and havoc they create.
Fears paralyze us and living in an emotional knee-jerk reaction mode proves destructive resulting in ruined relationships or impulse shopping, eating or drinking.
I lived this for years – being led by emotions and fear.
My mantra now is Go scared but Go!
Also, somewhere along the way many of us dismiss our own desires and allow others to decide for us what we want from life.
However, the comeback can only begin when we commit to taking back control of our lives.
While there is no one-size-fits-all formula for staging an incredible comeback, every one I have witnessed started when a woman became crystal clear on what she wanted.
To live not knowing exactly what we want is like driving without a destination in mind. Yes, we will end up somewhere but it may not be the place we wanted.
The comeback isn’t about deciding what we don’t want but what we do.
It begins with answering a few key questions.
What do you want your life to look like? Calm, laughter-filled, organized, fun, peaceful?
How do you want to be described? Successful, adventurous, energetic, cultured, a go-getter, fit, inspirational, elegant, funny, authentic, spontaneous, a risk taker, bold, confident, creative, stylish, a joy to be around?
What habits are necessary to create your comeback? Discipline, self-control, assertiveness?
Habits are created not inherited and therefore can be learned and unlearned at will.
Who inspires you to up your game?
It is an absolute fact — we will become who we want to be when we spend time with those who already are.
Want to get in fabulous shape? Hang out with a healthy person.
Want to start a successful business? Find a woman who has.
Want to grow? Get around someone who makes personal development a priority.
Want to declutter your home? Spend time with someone who has decluttered hers.
Want a more hopeful, positive, happier attitude? Find someone who has one.
The quickest way to stay stuck in your setback is being around others who are stuck in theirs.
They thrive on using life’s difficulties as an excuse as to why they can’t, won’t, shouldn’t have to, have no plans to or are not going to.
I heard a preacher once say “Someone could take the cards you have been dealt and win.”
I heard this at time when I was in a self-pity “why me?” mode. It was life-changing.
Your cards may not be ideal. No one’s is. (I don’t care how perfect their life may look)
There are countless stories of people who were dealt the worst hand a human being could get but they won. Just Google Erik Weihenmayer, Lopez Lumong, Cornel Hrisca-Munn or Marla Runyan.
You can too. Play to win.
Invest your time and resources into you.
Read books that inspire and inform you. Listen to podcasts or music that fires you up.
Take a social media break focusing instead on creating your comeback.
What would happen if you swapped the time spent scrolling Instagram or Facebook for a couple of laps around the park, reading a few chapters of an inspirational book, detoxing your fridge/pantry, cleaning out a closet, sitting outside appreciating nature, taking an online course, learning a new hobby, creating a financial plan, writing down some clear goals, creating a gratitude or dream list or researching your ideal vacation?
Invest in yourself because you will always be your best investment.
Surround yourself only with what you love.
Whether it is delicious smelling candles, fresh flowers, luscious bath gels, organized spaces, positive people, nature, a clean car or handbag, a rich shade of lip color, clothes or shoes you feel amazing in, writing, creating art, watching classic movies or reading beautiful literature – surround yourself with what lights you up and let go of everything else until your life looks and feels like a temple instead of a trashcan.
Pursue excellent physical, emotional and spiritual health.
Life-giving foods, regular exercise, down time, quiet moments and mindful thinking all provide the necessary energy to fully commit to and complete your comeback.
Simply put, we become what we think and eat.
When we were little day-dreaming was a part of life yet sadly somewhere along the way we stopped dreaming and started settling.
Where have you always wanted to go? What adventures do you want to experience? Who have you always wanted to meet?
My Dream List is well over ten pages of awe-inspiring adventures I want to experience and while I may not get to them all I have had a blast trying.
My dream trip is France. To ride a camel in Morocco would be an incredible experience and meeting Steve Perry of Journey would be absolutely amazing.
Daydreaming is free and harms no one and what joy that comes when another adventure gets checked off!
Be generous and grateful.
A setback is not permission to be self-absorbed believing the world revolves around us because it doesn’t.
Gratitude is the most powerful step in creating a successful comeback.
It was during my lowest point a kind friend cared enough to give me some tough love and reminded me of all I had to be thankful for.
She wasn’t downplaying my pain but simply pointing out that even in the darkest of times I had a lot to be grateful for. Everyone does.
Look around your life. What do you have to be thankful for?
You know how you feel when you do something nice for a friend or family member and they barely say “thank you”?
I can’t help but wonder if God feels the same way when we do that to Him.
When He provides a roof over our heads, food, electricity, fresh water, multiple freedoms and yet in our setbacks we only focus on or blame Him for what we don’t have. I know this because I have done this.
Being thankful for what we currently have opens us up to receive more while being unappreciative keeps us living in lack and discontent.
Don’t believe me? Adopt an attitude of gratitude and see what happens.
Don’t compare your comeback to hers.
The comeback requires we stay in our lane in order to create the life we want.
Comparison kills comebacks because it robs us of the energy and attention our own progress requires.
It also invites jealousy which is the thief of joy.
When someone complains because someone else is thinner, more educated, lives in a nicer home, married into a wealthy family or drives a better car she is actually saying “I would rather judge and be jealous than improve my current conditions.”
It is an excuse to avoid responsibility and justify her unhappiness in her own life rather than change.
You will never see her comeback because it will never happen – at least not until she stops the jealousy, ditches the victim mentality and matures emotionally.
Ya’ll this is tough love I know but I have been that jealous woman and I know its destructiveness. It kills dreams and runs people off.
Do something everyday towards your desires.
Take action daily towards what you want and the woman you want to be.
Change happens through small steps every day.
It is easier to focus on losing one pound, creating one new habit, walking one lap, paying off one bill, cleaning one drawer, reading one chapter of a motivational book, watching one inspirational video, sending out one resume or accomplishing one goal at a time instead of twenty.
Get out of your comfort zone.
Be known as the woman who takes the risk and says “yes” even when it is uncomfortable.
A comeback cannot be created in a comfort zone. The woman who refuses to budge stays stuck, never growing and never learning.
Comebacks take time, effort and a refusal to quit when delays or disappointments come which is why so many never experience their comeback.
Will you stay in your setback or will you create your comeback?
It is your choice and your story.
The page is blank and you hold the pen.
How will your story end?