Heart Sick

My goal with The Chic Creative is to empower, inspire and educate women in spiritual and personal growth with complete honesty and authenticity.

2019 was an incredible year but it wasn’t without difficulties.  

I battled daily with what I now know are “heart issues.”   

I spent years living with deeply embedded hurt and resentment that consumed me. During this time I suffered with ongoing physical exhaustion, bodily aches and extreme mental fatigue but didn’t know why.  

Although I was exercising regularly, getting plenty of sleep and hydration nothing improved.  I overhauled my diet, consulted my doctor, invested in nutritional supplements and still fought extreme lethargy daily. 

This year I challenged my readers to join me for 52 Weeks of Chic – weekly experiences that would promote spiritual and personal growth. 

In Week 2 I asked them (and myself) to fully and finally forgive – others and ourselves – no matter how difficult it might be.  

And because I believe we cannot ask others to do what we are unwilling to do ourselves, I too had to forgive.  

Over the years I had constructed a wall of anger around my heart that simply wouldn’t budge because I couldn’t forgive. 

I was bitter and couldn’t deny it.  

While writing Week 2 of the 52 Weeks of Chic regarding forgiveness I had to stop mid-way through and finally face my unwillingness and inability to forgive.  

The time, resources and efforts I invested into people whose actions made it clear they held no desire to enjoy a relationship with me left me angry . . . deeply.  

“Forgive them God?  Absolutely not!” as my bitterness spewed forth in a torrent of words, emotions and tears.  Scabs were being ripped away leaving the wounds exposed . . .and it hurt.

No amount of denial would change the fact that I was holding onto resentment  – lots of it. 

But I was determined to press on until forgiveness came.  

I refused to allow unforgivness to steal another day, year or decade.  

I was heart sick and it stifled my creativity, consumed my thoughts, robbed me of peace, left me feeling like a spiritual fraud and I realize now was the cause of my health and emotional issues.

My heart which is the wellspring of life was contaminated and it was literally making me ill, exhausted emotionally, physically and mentally. (Prov 4:23) 

Now I understood why exercise, proper nutrition and rest alone were not working.

I was trying to fix an internal problem externally and I was paying the price of not properly “guarding my heart.”  (Prov 4:23) 

Scripture says “the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” (Luke 6:45 NLT) 

Words begin as thoughts birthed in the heart and a diseased heart produces poisonous thoughts then toxic words that create a miserable existence.

A horrific case of heartsickness was the cause of my constant fatigue and mental fog.  

The prescription? Forgiveness.

If I wanted to be restored and enjoy excellent health I had to choose to forgive.  Yes forgiveness is a choice.

It was time to forgive and with God’s grace I finally did.

Now my energy levels are increasing daily, my joints and muscles no longer ache, my mental fog has lifted, my relationship with God and myself is improving and I feel better overall.  

No, circumstances haven’t changed.   But I have. 

My once infected, sickly heart is now whole and healthy.    

You may not struggle with unforgiveness.   But if you do, today you get to choose to forgive. 

Let the past go, let the resentment go and then let them go.  

Cry, kick and scream your hurt out if you must.  God isn’t afraid of our pain. He is the healer of it.    

Just forgive.  

Your heart, mind and body will become your greatest asset instead of your worst enemy.  

Unforgiveness is a soul-sucking, energy draining, joy stealing thief that hinders any spiritual growth, abundance or blessings. 

Forgiveness however guarantees freedom, energy, clarity, focus and overall wellness!  

How I wish I had known years ago the root cause of my physical and emotional struggles was my unwillingness to forgive.

If you do nothing else in 2020 – forgive!

Sandra Hubbard

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5 responses to “Heart Sick”

  1. Well said. Unforgiveness only hurts the one holding onto the hurt. 😊

  2. I can do relate to this. Forgiveness does not come easily to me. However, I too have learned that unforgiveness hurts me more than forgiveness.

    Love you and this blog that you write. I feel like you age writing to me weekly.

  3. You always have the right words!

  4. Nancy Fletcher- Smith Avatar
    Nancy Fletcher- Smith

    Just what I needed this morning. I have to hourly have to forgive at work for bitter and hateful words towards me. Savannah struggles with this too. We listened to Lauren Daigle’s “Rescue Me”. Help me Lord to do what I can’t do. You rolled away the rock at the tomb, You can roll away the rock at my heart. Love you girl!

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