Sorry Not Sorry

Five things I no longer apologize for.  And you don’t have to either.

There are times when apologies are necessary and also when they aren’t.

I used to apologized even when I wasn’t at fault or the situation didn’t call for one. 

I apologized for crazy traffic, rude cashiers and other people’s bad behavior and bad moods. I apologized for wanting Mexican when everyone else had a craving for Chinese.  You get the picture.

I am a recovering people pleaser and apologizing was one way I aimed to please.

But the day I realized my self worth isn’t tied to the external but the Eternal I quit apologizing unless I was clearly at fault which sometimes I am. I own it, apologize and move forward. That was a happy day!

So, here are 5 things I no longer apologize for (or feel any guilt around). You don’t have to either.

1.   Having what you have.  If you live in an beautiful home, drive a nice car, dress nicely, have financial wealth or travel the world, good kids, a loving husband, etc never apologize for it.  Thank God for the blessings and take exquisite care of what He’s given you but never feel guilty for having it.  

2.   Wanting what you want. You get to want what you want without apology. It doesn’t matter if it’s not in style, or unpopular. 

It doesn’t matter if others think it’s not your color, doesn’t flatter your body, looks tacky or weird in your living room, cost to much or looks too cheap. It can be the wildest dream or the smallest of goals. You get to want what you want. No apologies necessary. 

3.  Becoming who you want to become.  Others may feel threatened when you start making changes to better your life. They’d prefer you stay in your comfort zone so they won’t feel bad about not leaving theirs.

Your growing, experimenting, trying new things, meeting new friends or going to new places threatens them. 

They will accuse you of abandoning them or trying to be someone you’re not. Let their pushback be your sign you’re moving in the right direction.

You may have to step away from those who are uncomfortable with the woman you are becoming. That doesn’t require an apology either.

4.   Your skills, experiences, successes and achievements.  Never downplay your success to make others feel better.  It won’t.

Their jealousy isn’t about you but it speaks volumes about how they view themselves. Keep this in mind when someone isn’t genuinely happy to see you succeed.  

When you lose the weight, buy the car, upgrade your surroundings, recreate your style, start your business, achieve a goal, take a dream trip or find your soulmate – don’t apologize for that either.

Develop friendships those who celebrate with you and understand your success doesn’t rob them of theirs. There’s plenty for all of us.

You’ve endured bad days, failures, tears and days you wanted to give up but persevered, prayed and waited until it was your time. No one knows the full story behind your success and the climb to your mountain top.

5.  Being yourself. You’ll be too much for some, not enough for others. Too loud, too confident, too quiet, too introverted, etc.  

Dr. Seuss wisely said “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”  Read that again if necessary. 

Don’t shrink to make others feel bigger. Don’t become what you think others want at the expense of who God made you to be. 

Simply stated, be who you are on the way to becoming who you want to become.

Extend grace, speak kindly, love always but decide to never apologize to make someone else feel better about themselves. That is an inside job not yours or mine.

And by the way, Dr. Seuss also said “Today you are you, that is truer than true.  There is no one alive who is Youer than you!”

Amen!  

Sandra Hubbard 

(6) Comments

  1. Thank you! I have yet to meet a woman who hasn’t been guilty of over-apologizing at some point in her life but the good news is knowing when it’s necessary but when it isn’t.

  2. I agree completely in that we are not promised tomorrow so best to own and elevate the who we are today. It’s an ongoing process but when we stop apologizing it becomes so much more FUN!

  3. Thank you so much! I have found over-apologizing is one area most all women have faced at some time in their lives. Not sure where pick up that behavior but there’s joy in knowing we no longer have to unless it’s warranted 🙂

  4. Anonymous says:

    I am Guilty! This is so good! Exactly what I needed!

  5. Karen Overstreet says:

    Sandra, this hit the mark for this chronic people pleaser. Not much time left on this earth and I want to be the best version of the woman I was created to be! Thsnks!

  6. Machelle Bernheim says:

    Oh WOW! I think this is the best lesson I’ve ever read!!! There are too many great sentences in here to single out. Hit it out of the ball park today, friend!

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