We all know love is a choice and at times it’s complicated. We get to choose who we love. But what happens when they choose not to return love?
You love but they leave. You love but they reject or refuse to include or accept you. Then what?
Have you ever noticed that Christ never chased others? He chose them and invited them but not all said yes.
Many declined the invitation to follow Him like the wealthy, young ruler who opted out of the adventure of a lifetime. (Luke 18:18-30)
Christ respected his choice but never chased him trying to change his mind, win him over or guilt him into going.
We all want to be loved but at what cost?
I know what it’s like to chase the love of those who refuse to return it. To become so focused on chasing one “love” that you neglect those who love you freely and generously.
We do this with friends, co-workers, family and romantic relationships.
We somehow believe we can convince them to love and accept us so we call, text, give and pursue and the more we do the further they retreat.
Why? It’s simple really.
We believe it’s “their” love that will confirm we are lovable and worthy. It won’t and it’s a cycle that won’t end as we’ll always feel the need to convince them we are deserving.
It’s exhausting, time consuming and emotionally, spiritually and financially expensive.
You cannot buy someone’s love. They will only “love” you as long as you’re giving them gifts. When you stop buying their love for you stops flowing.
You also can’t force others to love you by doing for them because you are only as good as your last good deed or favor.
The moment you say no they become offended, forgetting the hundreds of times you said yes to helping them.
They will only remember the one time you couldn’t. They’re “score-keepers” and that’s a game you won’t win. You will however end up resentful and exhausted. That’s for another post.
Any love that has to be chased or purchased is not love. It’s a cheap imitation that will only leave you disappointed and questioning your value.
God loves you. You love you. Love those who choose you. And for those that don’t, respect their choice and wish them well out of respect for yourself and an appreciation of what you bring to the table.
Choose but never chase.
Sandra Hubbard
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